


Before I die

by scully_mulder_stories



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Cancer Arc, Cancer Arc (X-Files), Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Love, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 20:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15127154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scully_mulder_stories/pseuds/scully_mulder_stories
Summary: Mulder can't find Scully at work. Where is she? Does her appointment at the doctor has something to do with it? Is she alright?





	Before I die

Standing in the elevator, Mulder dialed Scullys telephone number. He waited a long time till he heard Scully's mechanic voice saying that she isn't available and he should leave a message after the tone.  
  
"Scully! Where are you? I can't find you and...please just call me back."  
  
He stared to the ground. That was the seventh message he had left on her phone but he still didn't know what was up with her or even where she was.  
  
He was worried if she was okay because he had no single idea what could have happened. The doors of the elevator opened and with quick steps he went to Skinners office. Mulder hoped that at least he knew where Scully was.  
  
He ignored the secretary and didn't even knock at Skinner's door before he entered his office. The Assistant Director was sitting at his desk behind lots of files and papers and seemed to be overwhelmed by work.  
  
"Agent Mulder, what-!?"  
  
"Sir, where's Scully? She isn't in our office and she doesn't answer my calls. Do you know where she is?", Mulder asked worried and out of breath.  
  
Skinner stood up, took off his glasses and searched for words. Impatiently Mulder waited for an answer. He felt that something was wrong.  
  
"She's probably at home, Mulder. After her appointment in the hospital she asked me for allowance to stay at home", Skinner said with quiet voice and Mulder could her the worries behind his words.  
  
His eyes widened. "No she...no...she would have told me..."  
  
Without waiting for a response he hurried out of the office and ran to the door to the stairs. He ran as fast as he could.  
  
Around half an hour later he was standing in front of Scullys apartment. He knocked carefully but determined and spoke with soft voice against the wooden door.  
  
"Scully? Scully, I know you are there."  
  
No reaction.  
  
"Dana, please...let me in."  
  
He heard a quiet sob and rested his forehead at the door and his hand right next to it.  
  
"Scully...you know I'm there for you. I'm always there if you need someone and I know you need someone right now. So please...please open the door."

 _"...please open the door."_  
  
Scully could hear Mulder through the door and she was sure that he wouldn't go away.  
  
She was sitting down on the floor with her back at the door and her head on her knees which she had pressed close to her chest.  
  
She felt powerless.  
  
All around her were laying tissues...full of blood. Juat as she had entered her apartment and closed the door behind her, she felt how her nose had started to bleed. She had taken the package tissues out of her handbag and threw the bag careless away.  
  
As she was pressing the tissue against her nose, she had felt how the tears were breaking through the wall she had builded up all the time before. She just couldn't hide them inside anymore and just let them break out. Powerless she had let fall herself on the ground, drowning in her tears where nobody could see them.  
  
Scully definitely didn't want Mulder to see her like this. She didn't want to seem weak in front of him.  
  
Mulder knocked again and Scully took a look at her watch. He was waiting already 20 minutes, so she finally stood up to open the door.  
  
She didn't care about the bloody tissues everywhere. He knew it anyway.  
  
Scully went to the door and placed her hand on the handle. Actually she wanted to be alone. She just wanted to sit in the silent darkness of the room and he with herself.  
  
_"Dana, please...let us talk..."_  
  
Scully knew that he would stay the whole day and night in front ot her apartment, so she opened the door and Mulders eyes met hers.  
  
His face was full of worries and sorrows and suddenly Scully noticed that she didn't want to be alone. She needed someone. Someone who really cared about her. She needed him.  
  
Without saying a word she put her arms around him and hugged him. She bursted into tears and suddenly she didn't want to hide her weakness anymore. She just wanted to feel safety. At least for this moment.  
  
She felt how Mulder put his arms around her as well and stroked over her hair. Scully closed her eyes and cried quietly at his shoulder.  
  
"Scully?" He leaned back from the embrace and took her face between his hands. Her eyes looked tired and she was shaking. Then he saw the blood under her nose.  
  
"Mulder...I'm sorry, your...your shirt...", she said and looked at the little bloody spot she had left on his chest.  
  
Mulder just shook his head, took her hand and together they went went inside and walked to the sofa. He saw all the tissues but didn't say anything because he had already expected that.  
And he was afraid.  
  
They sat down and Scully stared at her hands.

"How are you, Scully?" Asking this question he recognized how stupid it actually was.  
  
Scully just shook her head and supressed a laugh. But she didn't react like that because of the question itself but because she knew that soon she might don't be able to answer it anymore.

Mulder still hold Scully's hand. She didn't say anything and he wouldn't urge her to an answer. He didn't know what she felt and that depressed him. It was so hard for him to see her suffer but he also knew that there was nothing he could do.  
  
He felt how his eyes filled with tears but he tried to swallow them down.  
  
Then Scully whispered something but she spoke too quiet for Mulder to understand it.  
  
"What did you say, Dana?", she asked almost whispering.  
  
Scully turned her head to him and looked into his lovely eyes. Those eyes made it even harder for her to repeat the words. She didn't want to hurt him but she just had to say the truth.  
  
"I'm dying, Mulder."  
  
He took a deep breath as he felt a sharp pain in his chest. "Don't say that."  
  
"But it's true. I'm dying. The tumor...the cancer...it's killing me."  
  
"Dana..."  
  
"No, Mulder. It's the truth. The whole time I...I didn't want to believe it...but that's it. I'm dying and nobody can do something against it."  
  
She placed her hand on his cheek. "Not even you."  
  
Mulder felt a tear falling down his cheek which Scully wiped away. He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling her soft touch.  
  
"The doctor...says that I probably have around 6 months."  
  
Mulder took Scullys hand from his cheek. "No. I don't accept that. I know you'll survive. You're strong..."  
  
She smiled sadly. He always tried to see a good ending in everything that happened and that was one reason why she liked him so much. Scully knew that he wouldn't leave her side as long as she felt sick and therefore she was eternally grateful.  
  
A warm feeling filled her chest and suddenly she could only think about one single thing. She didn't care what would happen if she'd do it.  
  
Carefully she took Mulder's face into her hands and kissed him. It was a soft and unsure kiss but then she felt Mulder returning it and she could finally loose herself in it.  
  
After a few seconds she opened her eyes again and looked deep into his. "That was something I wanted to do before I die", she whispered but Mulder didn't know what to say.  
  
The butterflies in his stomach wouldn't go away so he wasn't able to say something. He felt more and more tears in his eyes and finally he found his voice again and whispered: "Now I won't allow you to die, Dana."  
  
"Fox, there's nothing we can do. We can just...enjoy the rest of the time."  
  
"No, we'll find a way. Just...never give up."

He kissed Scully again and wished he would have done it so much earlier. The whole time he was afraid that she wouldn't return his feelings but now he finally knew the truth.

And he also knew that he would never give up looking for a way to help Scully. To cure her cancer and to finally live together with her. He knew that miracles where out there and he believed in himself and Scully that they would find them.

He would never give up. For Scully.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you liked it ♡


End file.
